Managing anger can be challenging. For decades, husbands and wives have been taught to never go to bed angry. There is an old story about a husband and wife experiencing a conflict. They each resorted to the classic “silent treatment.”
Then the man realized he would need his wife, an early riser, to awaken him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper before bedtime, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”
The following day, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife had not awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Conflict, such as the one the husband and wife experienced, can hurt relationships. It is impractical. One way to address conflict is to manage anger. Paul writes in Ephesians, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…” Those are good words to live by.
Sometimes, anger is justified, but most of the time, it is simply selfish. Because of this, we don’t want to rush into the event that could motivate our anger. Thomas Jefferson once said if you are angry, count to ten. If you are really angry, count to 100. He reasoned that time would help to soothe the intense feelings provoking the anger.
With this in mind, let me offer you four recommendations for defeating selfish anger:
1) If you pray, repeat a centering prayer, inhaling deeply.
2) Decide now to be a forgiver.
3) Decide now to trust God to take care of those who sin against you.
4) Eliminate caffeine. (I did this for several years and found this to be the most helpful thing I’ve ever done in addressing selfish anger.)
A lot of people have been battling feelings of anger over the past few years. Many people have felt frustrated and highly stressed with the pandemic, the rioting, the looting, January 6, and politics. Maybe you have, as well. Remember, as Paul wrote to the Ephesians, feeling angry is not a sin. Selfishly acting on our anger is.
Be blessed managing your anger.